‘You’re being difficult’, ‘you are difficult.’‘You’re stubborn’, ‘you’re rigid’, ‘you’re being black and white’.Just a list of more ways we are difficult.‘You’re too much’, ‘you’re hard work’, ‘you’re exhausting’. Difficult. Difficult. Difficult. We can detect the exasperation in a person’s voice long before they know it is there. We can feel the wall of internal … Continue reading Difficult
Tag: autism
On derealisation, depersonalisation and amnesia
TW: mentions abuse and self harm - no descriptions. Our system has felt under threat over the last few months and has gone into defcon 1, high level alert, code red! It thinks it is fighting for our life again and is pulling out all the dissociative weapons at its disposal. This has meant living … Continue reading On derealisation, depersonalisation and amnesia
What we are learning
We have had the privilege to connect with some other systems recently. It has been and continues to be the most wonderful and precious experience for us. For the first time that we can remember there is a real sense of belonging, of being seen and wanting to be seen, of being part of something. … Continue reading What we are learning
When ‘Happy Birthdays’ are more than just ‘Happy’!
Our birthday is not far away and it raises a lot of mixed feelings for us. There is the excitement of celebrations, surprises and seeing friends. But there is so much more to our Birthday than this. There is the resentment of celebrating a day that many of us wished had never happened. Alongside this … Continue reading When ‘Happy Birthdays’ are more than just ‘Happy’!
Life with DID
TW: One of the questions asks about ‘getting rid’ of other parts - short answer no way!! The answer to the third question alludes to self harm but no details are shared. A friend recently asked us some questions about our life with DID. As we mulled them over we discussed them with another friend … Continue reading Life with DID
A new challenge!
We have been challenged to start posting on our blog without running our writing past anyone first. We want and need to develop trust and confidence in ourselves, particularly when it comes to sharing our thoughts and our ability to write. We are so convinced that we do not make sense, that we need ‘translating’ … Continue reading A new challenge!
Sick
TW: Contains brief description of trauma triggers. No one enjoys getting sick. We finally succumbed to COVID last week and have been reflecting on our responses to it. First comes the usual fear and anger towards ourselves. Will we be in trouble? Are we really unwell or just making it up? Are we unwell enough … Continue reading Sick
Autism, DID and Neurodiversity – our journey so far
This article was originally published in First Person Plural’s Spring edition of Rainbow’s End (Volume 23, Issue 1). Autism has been a long held interest of ours. Despite relating so much to what we read, we never felt that we were autistic ‘enough’, so it took us a long time to explore that diagnosis for … Continue reading Autism, DID and Neurodiversity – our journey so far
Good News! They’re angry!
If people are getting angry you’re probably doing something right! This occurred to us recently when we were reflecting on the anger, vitriol and toxic narratives about us that have emerged following a disclosure we made to our sister about some of our early life experiences. We couldn’t understand where it was all coming from … Continue reading Good News! They’re angry!
Exposed
We discovered Donna Williams some time ago through a video on you tube in which she speaks about her experiences of being autistic and multiple. Donna explains her experiences in greater depth in her book, Exposure Anxiety - the invisible cage. We were drawn back to this book again recently when it occurred to us … Continue reading Exposed